Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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