your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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