I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
