i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
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