just tell him i said nine months
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
