saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
