Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Randomize
