I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
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