Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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