Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
