Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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