You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
