Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
