Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
