Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
