Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
