Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
