Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
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