I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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