I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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