My liver just broke up with me...
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
