first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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