I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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