i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
