Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
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