New invention idea: vibrating tampons
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Im part way to drunk.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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