two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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