So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Randomize
