i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize