Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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