Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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