I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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