It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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