thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
