u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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