Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Randomize
