i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Randomize
