i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
