Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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