My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
This house was built for laser tag.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
