you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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