Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
