She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
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