That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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