doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
