I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
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The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
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Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize