I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
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