She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
