What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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