hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
no. you can't hotbox the world.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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