Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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