I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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