i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize