are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
