good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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