Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
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