I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i love accidental penises.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize