What did we do last night that was yellow?
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
