Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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