just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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