remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
